I am in bed. Not a big surprise, really, I’ve been in bed continually since October 20, 2011. And for 3 or 4 days a week for a few months before that. Something to do with osteoporosis, symphysis pubis diastasis/osteitis pubis, pregnancy all combined into a slightly painful existence.
Once the pubic symphysis tear seemed to be healed up (around 5 months into the pregnancy) and my belly wasn’t TOO heavy yet, I thought that maybe I was being a wimp and should start trying to get around again. It was then I saw the physiotherapist (THE specialist on pelvic floor issues as a matter of fact) and then discovered that maybe that wasn’t such a good idea either. Between the placenta previa, the antigens in my blood that could cause hydrops fetalis (although rarely), the trauma to my pelvic floor and my subsequent “trying to get up and get my body working normally” caused even MORE issues (aka prolapse) and a slight bit more pain, worry and frustration.
But, I’ve been doing pretty well. I’ve been well taken care of. Even on the odd day when I get really frustrated and throw the walker across the room – the outburst takes care of all the pent up frustration and the tears cleanse my weak spirit – and I am filled. It doesn’t last long. How could it with SO many people loving on me, praying for me, looking out for my family…it’s been SUCH a blessing.
Well, I missed going to Claire’s birthday party with the family. I was in a LOT of pain that morning, and tears streamed as photos were texted to me (and videos) of all that I was missing of our cutie pie. But, that night I tripped using my walker and some very out-of-shape muscles began to ache, and our little dancing baby slipped deeper into my pelvis. For a few days I could feel everything stretching out, but it wasn’t too painful. Until a few days later. After two days in a row of getting out of the house (one day usually means 3 days of recovery, two days I haven’t really tried) the pain started to really sink in. And kept getting worse. And worse. On Friday, I gave up on the tylenol and let Dear Husband start me on the morphine again. It couldn’t even take the edge off of my pain. By Sunday morning I knew that I needed to let someone know. At that point I was having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions (although they were actually RELIEVING my abdominal pain, they made it difficult to breathe) and I was a little nervous that if I was to start pre-term labor, I wouldn’t know the difference.
The midwife suggested positioning to try to coax the baby out of the pelvis. I used a strobing flashlight on my belly to see if the baby would move it’s head from behind my torn pubic bone and put itself in a “non-ready-to-birth” position. I asked on Facebook that people would pray for baby to move transverse. I could FEEL baby’s shoulders turning at the top of my pubic bone (and if I had been brave enough, probably could have felt it’s head if I tried elsewhere). The second time I tried to get into the “coaxing” position, my joint failed and I stopped trying. The pain was causing me to sweat. The morphine wasn’t doing anything. I had horrendous cramping in my abdomen, shooting pains throughout my pelvic floor into my legs, and a backache like I have not experienced in years. And I was crying.
I called the OB first thing on Monday morning (after having to cancel my over-the-phone counselling session because I couldn’t speak). They rescheduled me to see the OB for Wednesday, but said “you shouldn’t be in that much pain, go to the ER if it gets worse.” Then I called the midwife, who texted the OB. And by then I could no longer communicate clearly, I was hurting. The baby was moving along just fine, but I was not even able to roll over, let alone get out of bed to use the washroom. By the end of the day I was admitted to the local hospital for pain relief.
Currently I am on a large amount of pain killers. An amount that will affect the baby. The risk of affecting the baby is less (far less) than the risks of baby being born now. And that is where we are at. I can sort of sit up in bed to eat (instead of attempting to lay on my side with my hips raised). I can roll over, very slowly, with lots of pillow support, but I don’t have to text someone to come help me. I can even go to the bathroom with just the walker now. I still have to psych myself up to get out of bed and make the 10′ trip to the washroom, but I CAN do it. And, people don’t come into my room and see me writhing in pain – so they stay a bit longer now.
The midwives called to check in on me last night. They are no longer our care providers for this pregnancy. But they have been our advocates from day one, getting us all that we need to stay as healthy and as comfortable as we can.
I see the awesome OB (I so love her, she is such a crack up) on Tuesday. It is quite possible that I won’t be seeing her for the rest of the pregnancy either. On the 22nd I go in for an assessment at BC Women’s. Because of my complications and because of the high amounts of morphine I am taking, they will be analyzing the risks to the baby of being born early or trying to keep my body from forcing “eviction” of the baby (due to pain) with medications. I’ll be 34w4d when I see the team at Women’s Hospital. For the last month my prayer has been to make it to the 34th week. The pain has been increasing at such a steady rate (as the baby gains weight and my belly gets larger) and six weeks early seems “do-able” to me. But still terrifying.
I don’t know what the plan will be. I don’t know if they’ll start decreasing my medications before the birth to help the baby have less reaction when he/she is born. I don’t know how I feel about being a mom on drugs that affect my baby after taking care of SO MANY babies who are born addicted to drugs. I’m really struggling with my inability to manage without pain relief. So thank you for all your prayers. Your gifts of food and fruit, of service, of child minding, of shopping for baby clothes and taking my kids places.
I have more I want to say, but I have hit my limit physically. I want to tell you about the remarkable things that have happened this week that have kept my spirits up, and have touched every member of our family with grace and hope. But apparently I don’t have the stamina for that this moment. I will later. I’ll have a nap and tell you just so happened stories to make you smile. Because I know that God is working, even in the pain.
So for those of you who are praying, or wanted to know how to pray, OR those of you who have had preemies and can give me some “getting ready” advice, this is an update for you. I have a thousand praises to add to this, of all the glowing things that God has done to make it known that He IS taking care of us and that I am NOT being a wimp – the Physio said I was one of the worst cases she’d ever seen, and the midwives, like good mommies, just want to pick me up and kiss the hurts away, you can tell the way they call me “lovey” and the OB just makes me giggle because, really, who has this many silly complications in a pregnancy after a birth like Claire’s? I am being well taken care of. Dear Husband keeps the chocolate, coffee and tea coming in. The caregivers keep the food coming, the kids happy and the house neat. The church body keeps our fridge stocked and has suddenly started filling our very-lacking nursery (aka our bedroom).
And the answered prayers at just the right time that keep us knowing He is working all things to good.
Thank you for those prayers!