I cannot write today.
Heavy, burdened, depressed, collapse.
My dreams are of drowning, of the world crashing in around me, of cars and (I realize this is crazy) tankers full of tax papers.
I even splurged on a tall decaf half sweet salted caramel mocha
And that did not lift my heavy mood.
I am flailing in this healing. It’s like the ocean of tears inside me are trying to drown me. But, I cannot cry-whether it’s the anti-depressants or the fear of what will happen when the floodgates open-I am just burdened with the heaviness that one feels before a soul-cleansing weep.
I cannot weep.
My chest is crushed under the weight, but the demands of my life keep the “weak me” at arm’s distance.
And after a day of avoiding and pressing on, I collapsed. The relief of sleep was necessary for my brain. Bless my teen who cared for everyone (and a large selection of movies) until Dear Husband made it home.
I am going to ready my body for rest. I hope my dreams do not continue into the dark fear.
Thank you to all of you who are continually praying and blessing me thru social media.
Your words come at just the right time everytime.
Thank you for encouraging me through this dark journey.